My Story: The Middle (Read this first)
The beginning of my story: I was a true blue dyed in the wool Mormon. I studied, I understood. There was no question I couldn't answer and no history that could shake me. Joseph Smith's polygamy, freaky temple ceremonies, Book of Abraham, irregularities in the Book of Mormon, none were any big deal, and I would happily explain why not. I taught Sunday School, I was in the Primary, Young Women, and Relief Society presidencies. I went to the temple frequently. I read my scriptures frequently. I had read all of the standard works 3 times, and the Book of Mormon probably a dozen. I prayed over weighty decisions, over people that needed help, just every day. If there was a commandment, I kept it. I struggled with whether or not Dr. Pepper was against the Word of Wisdom (no) and whether it was prohibited to wear panties under garments during your period (yes).
Then what happened? Someone I cared about deeply talked to me (I will not share the story here because it does not belong to me.) and it lead me to ask the question. Why doesn't God protect innocent people from lasting harm? I realized that by studying this question I was going further than I ever had into questioning the core values of the church. Many times I debated turning back. But I felt loyalty to this person and to this question. So I dove into why.
1. God doesn't stop wicked people from doing wicked things, people have their free agency. OK. But he can inspire righteous people to do righteous things to prevent bad people from doing bad things. For example, no one stopped Hitler from rising to power, but people did save individuals, people did chase Hitler down, eventually Hitler was ended. But that doesn't happen with all evil people. Some evil people are allowed to continue being evil with no one stopping them. God could send someone to rescue innocent victims, but he doesn't. Yes some people wouldn't listen, but lots of people would. You hear stories all the time "God told me to go down this street, not that street" etc. Why couldn't God direct people to find people that are being victimized? Why couldn't he stop the abuser? the suicide? the lonely person that needs a friend?
The answer clanging around in your head now is probably "He does! This thing happened to me! Let me tell you the story!" Yep, sometimes that happens. But not with any reliability, Many millions of people are left without answers to their righteous cries.
On a personal basis: Why have so many of my pleas to God for help, for saving from a terrible situation not of my making, for comfort, for a friend, for a shoulder to cry on, why have they been left unanswered.
2. God doesn't answer all of our prayers, or He answers them on His timetable, or you don't recognize the answer when it comes, or sometimes "No" is the answer.
This works for so many things. But not for others. I'm only going to give one example here, what of a child that is abused? The child prays to God to stop the abuse. What good reason could God give to say no? They could learn something from it? Ok maybe. But how about stopping the abuse after 1 incident, or 5 incidents, not ongoing for years. What could a child learn from ongoing abuse that makes it worth them being subjected to it over and over? What timetable makes it ok? If you have any answers to this question, try to justify it as a person talking about your neighbor child. "Well, I would have called the police, but I thought that 5 year old had something she needed to learn." "Well I wanted to call the police on my own timetable" "Well sometimes I don't call the police about abuse" "Well I gave her ice cream everyday, that was my response."
3. God lets the wicked to be wicked so their punishments will be just.
This is based on a Book of Mormon story about people being burned to death, and they aren't stopped so the judgments on the people burning them will be just. This makes no sense unless you believe that God care more about punishment than caring for his children. It also makes no sense with Mormon theology. Basically all but a handful of bad people are going to the Terrestrial Kingdom. Outer Darkness is for but a few, but your glory varies in the Terrestrial.
Let's take the example of a guy stealing Grandma's savings. Say he does steals $100,000 from Grandma Jones, then $200,000 from Grandma Clark, then $500,000 from Grandma Smith. Is it really that important that this person is allowed to steal money from all three? Is his punishment really that different for stealing from 3 women than from 1? And is his punishment more important to God than the pain of these women being robbed?
4. We live in a wicked world, but it will all work out in the end.
This is the set it and forget it approach. I have a hard time with this one too, because people readily claim that God intervenes in the smallest ways in their life. Finding the right dress, making it to a gas station, finding $20 on the sidewalk. How is it that God has time for all of these tiny things, but not time for bigger ones?
5. God stops a lot of bad things from happening to us, but some things slip through.
This makes sense if you pretty much have a happy life, but last month your washer broke down and you couldn't fix it until payday. But how would God let "slip through" terrible things that fundamentally change your life forever?
In the end this is what I came to (This was in Spring of 2012 in case you want a timeline)
1. There is no God.
2. God doesn't care about what happens to humans.
3. God is powerless to stop bad things from happening.
The last one was very interesting to me for a long time. I'll talk about it in another post.
Then what happened? Someone I cared about deeply talked to me (I will not share the story here because it does not belong to me.) and it lead me to ask the question. Why doesn't God protect innocent people from lasting harm? I realized that by studying this question I was going further than I ever had into questioning the core values of the church. Many times I debated turning back. But I felt loyalty to this person and to this question. So I dove into why.
1. God doesn't stop wicked people from doing wicked things, people have their free agency. OK. But he can inspire righteous people to do righteous things to prevent bad people from doing bad things. For example, no one stopped Hitler from rising to power, but people did save individuals, people did chase Hitler down, eventually Hitler was ended. But that doesn't happen with all evil people. Some evil people are allowed to continue being evil with no one stopping them. God could send someone to rescue innocent victims, but he doesn't. Yes some people wouldn't listen, but lots of people would. You hear stories all the time "God told me to go down this street, not that street" etc. Why couldn't God direct people to find people that are being victimized? Why couldn't he stop the abuser? the suicide? the lonely person that needs a friend?
The answer clanging around in your head now is probably "He does! This thing happened to me! Let me tell you the story!" Yep, sometimes that happens. But not with any reliability, Many millions of people are left without answers to their righteous cries.
On a personal basis: Why have so many of my pleas to God for help, for saving from a terrible situation not of my making, for comfort, for a friend, for a shoulder to cry on, why have they been left unanswered.
2. God doesn't answer all of our prayers, or He answers them on His timetable, or you don't recognize the answer when it comes, or sometimes "No" is the answer.
This works for so many things. But not for others. I'm only going to give one example here, what of a child that is abused? The child prays to God to stop the abuse. What good reason could God give to say no? They could learn something from it? Ok maybe. But how about stopping the abuse after 1 incident, or 5 incidents, not ongoing for years. What could a child learn from ongoing abuse that makes it worth them being subjected to it over and over? What timetable makes it ok? If you have any answers to this question, try to justify it as a person talking about your neighbor child. "Well, I would have called the police, but I thought that 5 year old had something she needed to learn." "Well I wanted to call the police on my own timetable" "Well sometimes I don't call the police about abuse" "Well I gave her ice cream everyday, that was my response."
3. God lets the wicked to be wicked so their punishments will be just.
This is based on a Book of Mormon story about people being burned to death, and they aren't stopped so the judgments on the people burning them will be just. This makes no sense unless you believe that God care more about punishment than caring for his children. It also makes no sense with Mormon theology. Basically all but a handful of bad people are going to the Terrestrial Kingdom. Outer Darkness is for but a few, but your glory varies in the Terrestrial.
Let's take the example of a guy stealing Grandma's savings. Say he does steals $100,000 from Grandma Jones, then $200,000 from Grandma Clark, then $500,000 from Grandma Smith. Is it really that important that this person is allowed to steal money from all three? Is his punishment really that different for stealing from 3 women than from 1? And is his punishment more important to God than the pain of these women being robbed?
4. We live in a wicked world, but it will all work out in the end.
This is the set it and forget it approach. I have a hard time with this one too, because people readily claim that God intervenes in the smallest ways in their life. Finding the right dress, making it to a gas station, finding $20 on the sidewalk. How is it that God has time for all of these tiny things, but not time for bigger ones?
5. God stops a lot of bad things from happening to us, but some things slip through.
This makes sense if you pretty much have a happy life, but last month your washer broke down and you couldn't fix it until payday. But how would God let "slip through" terrible things that fundamentally change your life forever?
In the end this is what I came to (This was in Spring of 2012 in case you want a timeline)
1. There is no God.
2. God doesn't care about what happens to humans.
3. God is powerless to stop bad things from happening.
The last one was very interesting to me for a long time. I'll talk about it in another post.
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